


Never Alone

by VioletsFinch



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: ADHD, Angst, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JJ (Outer Banks) Needs a Hug, John B. Routledge Needs a Hug, Mental Health Issues, Outer Banks, Panic Attacks, Pogues (Outer Banks), Pre-Outer Banks Season 1
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24282202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletsFinch/pseuds/VioletsFinch
Summary: John B and JJ were always there for each other.When Big John disappears, this becomes more important than ever.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	1. DCS Visits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was revised on 5/21.

It was a Saturday afternoon when they found out. It was barely noon, but the group's laughter already filled the house. Empty cans of beer littered the floor.

Suddenly, a knock at the door made everyone jump. Their little group was all present, and John B's dad didn't need to knock to get into his own home. JJ peeked around the window and saw an all-too-familiar car. “Shit, that’s DCS.” JJ stood abruptly, the entire group rushing to hide beer cans in response. “God, I thought they had left me alone for good. How the hell did they even know I'm here?”

_JJ's dad leered over him. The scent of alcohol filled his lungs and Luke's hands pinned his small frame to the wall._

_"What are you telling them, boy?" Spit hit JJ's cheek._

_"No one, Dad."  
"Bullshit!"_

_"No, really! It was Ms. Steinfeld. I told her a fell off my bike but she didn't listen."_

_Luke paused. Let go of his son._

_"Good." A flash of anger crossed his face, and he threw a bottle of his favorite beer at his only son."Remember to keep it that way. You don't want any regrets, now, do you?"_

John B looked nervous. He glanced back at the group several times, like he knew something they didn't, before opening the door.

The stern, cold woman standing there didn't talk to JJ. Instead, she pulled John B. to the side and they watched as he grew paler, shakier. She handed him a business card and a piece of paper, then she was gone as soon as she had come.

_"What it like?" John B asked once._

_"What's what like?"_

_"Having your dad so angry."_

_"What's it like to have Big John?"_

_"Pretty good."_

_"Well... What about when he leaves?" It was no secret that John B left home alone for days at a time. Longer, on some occasions._

_"Shitty."  
"Well, imagine that you were happy about it every time he left, like _really _happy. Imagine hoping for him to leave. That's what living with my dad is like."_

“Hey, what the fuck? John B?” JJ asked him. Kiara and Pope stared wide-eyed. John B’s dad wasn’t perfect, but none of them could fathom him doing anything to warrant DCS at his doorstep. JJ nearly laughed at the thought. His dad was a horrible man and he was definitely still under his custody.

“It’s nothing. She’s crazy.” John B kept his head bowed. “Come on, let’s pull the booze back out. Let’s get hammered.” Normally, JJ would gladly take up the offer, but instead he watched as John B. desperately rummaged through the fridge for some beers and knew it was a bad idea. The last time he saw him like this was years ago. John B's mom had contacted him. JJ didn't know the entire situation and John B wouldn't tell him, still wouldn't even now. All he knew was that one moment they were hanging out, sharing stories and chips. Then Big John told John B he'd gotten a letter. He went to open it and didn't speak again for hours. JJ never thought John B was that affected by his mom until he saw the mixture anxiousness and anger clouding his best friend's face that day.

Kiara put her hand on John B.’s shoulder, gently but firmly. “Come on, just tell us what’s going on.” That wasn't always easy for him or JJ to do. 

_"Come on, just tell me." He was staring at bruises on JJ's arms._

_"Nah, dude. You don't need to know every time something goes down."_

_"I don't."_

_JJ felt a pang in his stomach. Of course John B didn't_ really _care._

_"I want to. For you."_

John B. paused for just a moment before shrugging her off. He and JJ made eye contact, then he broke it to share it with the floor instead. Silence filled the house, threatening to smother him. Finally, he spun around and looked them each in the eye. Kiara, then Pope and finally JJ.

“My dad’s missing. Has been for a while now.”

JJ's heart dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that on the show, they say Kie wasn't around for them when Big John disappeared. I'm trying to keep this story true to their characters and based off what I think could have happened or off things I've noticed from the show, but I really love Kie and the group's friendship. That's why in my story, she goes to the Kook school but still hangs out with them :)


	2. The first time they see him crack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was revised on 5/21.

The first time they see him crack is a Monday. 

They were almost always together anyway, but the recent events made it more of a necessity. Like before, it was still out of friendship. 

None of them were great at handling this. Kiara was better than JJ and Pope, but she was still just a teenager. Distraction became a common theme in their strategy to help John B. 

JJ turned on the TV, hoping to find some kind of stupid comedy. Instead, it instantly revealed a photo of Big John. 

_"Hey, stop that, John B!" Big John called out._

_JJ flinched, but no blow came. He wasn't used to fathers being... well, fathers being fathers._

_"Sorry, Dad." John B jumped down from the roof and grinned._

The words “missing” and “search” barely registered in JJ’s mind. What registered was the way John B’s face turned to stone. No anger, sadness or emotion played out on his friend’s face. Somehow, that scared JJ even more. 

“JJ, turn it off,” Kiara scolded. 

“Oh, yeah, my bad.” His finger reached for the off button. 

Suddenly a shaky voice spoke up. “No.”

Pope, JJ and Kiara turned to see John B now standing, nails digging into his own arm.

“John B?” Pope asked cautiously.

“I want to see it.”

“But-“

“They say he’s probably dead. That he’s missing. I don’t believe it. I want to see what these dumb shits think to believe that.”

The news anchor drawled on a bit more, listing information about Big John and the statistics of people lost at sea. “And now to weather,” the anchor grinned.

“Damn,” JJ whispered. He couldn’t relate to John B’s situation at all. His dad sucked, for one, and he was definitely still alive. But JJ knew him better than anyone. They shouldn’t have kept the news on. This wasn’t good for him. 

_"Mother's Day, amiright?" JJ rolled his eyes at the shiny pink cards around the store. He picked up one with an illustration of a blooming flower._

_"Mother's Day is a great way to remind the world of the importance of women everywhere, not just mothers," Kiara said, taking the card from him._

_"Yeah, well. It just reminds us that we don't have moms, Kie. Right, John B?"  
_

_He shrugged. "I'm just glad I have my dad."_

JJ wondered if he really believed his father was alive. Maybe he was a pessimist, but JJ was pretty sure the man was dead.

John B let out a sound, short but strangled and broken. His eyes were wet but focused enough to grab a glass and chuck it at the wall. Shards exploded and fell to the floor in a beautiful, glimmering mess. 

JJ was... he was relieved. Since Saturday, John B had been like a robot— emotionless and cold. It scared him. 

Pope didn’t seem to feel the same way. “Woah, stop that!” He grabbed John B’s arm. “Oh my god, man, you’re shaking.” 

Kiara ran to clean up the mess. JJ watched her sweep the pieces swiftly into a pan. He shook his head. “No. No, dude.” He stood and picked up another glass. “Break this one.”

“JJ!” Kiara and Pope sighed in unison. 

“No, I’m serious! Look at him! John B, if I didn’t see the bags under your eyes I’d think you weren’t real anymore. I don’t like it, man. I know Kie and Pope don’t either. Come on, throw more! You’re pissed, I know! Show us how mad you are!”

John B picked up another glass, clenching it so hard JJ thought it would break right in his hand. He pulled back his arm, ready to throw it. His friends watched him in anticipation. Everything was in slow motion. Then—

“I- I can’t.” He crumpled to the floor. “I’m not pissed.” Tears spilled into the cracks on the floor. 

“What?” JJ shouted, frustrated. 

“I’m... I’m scared. I’m really, really fucking scared.” 

“Oh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMK if there's anything you guys would like to see in future chapters! I'm super open to feedback, too :) I haven't posted on here in years, so I'm still kinda getting back into the swing of it.


	3. Pills

“I can’t finish this,” John B groaned. The lead of his pencil snapped. Papers and textbooks littered the floor. The Pogues were strewn about as well, each with their respective assignments.

“You have, to, John B. That’s why we’re having a homework night, remember? So you can get your shit together and stop getting in trouble for missing assignments,” Kie lectured, handing him a new pencil.

“Yeah, that’s my thing!” JJ chimed in. He kept his tone cheery, but even he was concerned. John B was always known as a good student.

“I can’t.” John B put tried to toss his assignment away, but it just calmly fluttered to the floor in front or him. “This is really hard.”

Kiara picked up his paper. “You’re good at this stuff, though. Can’t be too bad. You can do it,” she encouraged.

“No, I- I can’t focus.” His eyes found the floor. “I ran out of my meds. Insurance is messed up with everything happening with my dad and I can’t afford it.”

Oh.

_John B took out a book from his locker, revealing the pill bottle it was hiding._

_“Are you popping pills, John B? In the middle of the hallway?” JJ snatched the bottle._

_“No,” John B glared, “just put it back.”_

_“Oh, come on, what is it? You got anything else in here?” He began rummaging through the locker with his other hand. Nothing but dust and a couple sweatshirts. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was scared. Smoking was one thing. In fact, he thought everyone should have weed on hand. People were too damn uptight. But if John B was on some hard shit? Or got fucking addicted or something? That was different. Seeing someone he cared about get into this scared him. He had seen it first hand with his dad._

_“JJ” John B warned. He couldn’t give it back yet. He had to make sure it wasn’t anything fucked up. He turned the bottle over in his hand. It was prescribed to John B. He breathed a sigh of relief._

_Plus, it was just... “Adderall?” He asked. Why was he prescribed that? John B grabbed it, slammed it in his locker and walked away._

John B had pretty bad ADHD. They all knew it, but it didn’t come up in conversation often. Thinking about it, JJ realized that John B running out of meds explained a lot about him recently.

“Well... what about your mom? I know it sucks, but you can reach out to her. I’m sure she has insurance and-“

“I told you. I don’t even have her number.”

“Right,” Pope mumbled apologetically.

_JJ smacked his lunch tray down, letting John B know he was there. For a few minutes, they let Pope’s ramblings control the conversation. Suddenly, the two made eye contact._

_“I’m not messed up,” John B muttered._

_“It’s okay to be messed up.” JJ said quietly. “That’s not why I-“_

_“Who’s messed up?” Pope questioned, interrupting JJ as he pulled out an apple._

Kie and Pope couldn’t possibly relate to John B on this. They both had two parents who took care of things for them. They weren’t used to fending for themselves like JJ and John B. JJ, however, had a solution.

“You take Adderall, right? Easy drug to get around here. Kids at school take it all the time. Hell, even I got some. I was saving it for a test or something, but—“ JJ rummaged through his backpack. “Here.” He tossed John B a little baggie.

“This is the same kind I take,” John B said slowly.

“Perfect!”

“But... I take it three times a day,” he laughed. “This will last me, like, two days.”

“God damn, John B! You’re about to get real friendly with the school dealers.”

_“I know I snooped and all, but... you know.”_

_“_ _What?”_

_“_ _My dad. He’s into a lot of stuff and I was scared that you...”_

_“JJ.” JJ looked up at him, hands only shaking slightly._

_"Yeah?”_

_“_ _I’ll never end up like that,” John B promised softly. “And I would never... I would never hurt you. I swear.”_

_Cue the smallest of smiles._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So this chapter stems from the scene where Sarah told John B that he had ADD which he admitted to on the boat. And, of course, JJ's dad seriously sucks. I hope you liked reading this!


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